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*TOPIC: CHRISTIAN HOME: PILLARS THAT SUSTAIN MARRIAGES*(Series 8)

*Scripture Reading:* 1Peter 3:1-7, Proverbs 3:5-6.

I want to emphasize more on this; *No one should know you intimately, more than your spouse. Don’t be wary of training of your spouse. Due to differences in background and some other factors, you will experience a communication gap naturally. But keep training your spouse until your good desire comes true.*

*9) Pray Together:* To keep and sustain your marriage, don't neglect praying habit with your spouse. *Pray with your spouse and pray for your spouse each day! You can only be in charge of your home when issues are settling in the spirit realm via prayer.* Be a Christian example to your spouse. Scripture gives this instruction to wives who have non-Christian husbands.

*“Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives”* (1 Peter 3:1). It's your duty as wife to be in charge of your home and likewise husband. There must be no loophole.

Your loving, giving, Christian example can go a long way toward positively influencing your spouse. Your prayer lifestyle will determine this and influence your spouse positively in doing God's will.

We all need to acknowledge God and our Savior in every aspect of our lives. Scripture exhorts us: *“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths”* (Proverbs 3:5–6). You can't trust and acknowledge God if your praying habit is not intact. To be continue tomorrow morning by God's Grace. Good morning and do have a fruitful weekend, peace.

*Prayer point:* Holy Spirit, ignite the fire in us and bring us to the center of your will for our marriage in Jesus Christ name. Amen!

T.S. AFOLAYAN

*TOPIC: CHRISTIAN HOME: PILLARS THAT SUSTAIN MARRIAGES*(Series 7)

*Scripture Reading:* Proverbs 16:24

Yesterday, I shared with you another pillars called Humility. And that it always resulted in riches, honor and life according to (Proverbs 22:4). We shall continue from where we stopped.

*8) Communication:* Communication in marriage is very important. Men and women communicate differently and if you don’t understand these differences, your marriage will be prone to breakdown.

Whenever breakdown occur in marriage, it is traceable to a break in communication. Today's Scripture says; *"Pleasant words are a honey comb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones."* (Proverbs 16:24). This is the reason why most marriages break down when there's no effective pleasant communication because they are honey comb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones! Glory to God.

*Men are thinkers, they can stay on their own and live in their minds for days. Women on the other hand are talkers.* They love to talk. As a man, you must CREATE time to talk to your wife.

There are men that carry dreams in their head for days, sometimes weeks, at times months and they don’t tell their wives. *No matter how busy you are, your wife is priority, you must communicate with her.*

Women talk for affection, it is one of their ways of showing love. *What she is saying might not make sense to you, still, you have to listen; and when she opens up to you, don’t give her a solution yet.* Listen first, sympathize first and then come up with solutions later.

*Men on the other hand talk for information. They are either informing you about something, or inquiring about something.* Women, understand that men don’t read minds, so whenever you are not pleased with something, say it. In a marriage setting, communication must be free.

No one should know you intimately, more than your spouse. Don’t be wary of training of your spouse. *Due to differences in background and some other factors, you will experience a communication gap naturally. Keep training your spouse until they get it.* To be continue tomorrow morning by God's Grace. Good morning and do have a great day, peace.

*Prayer point:* Thank you Holy Spirit for this understanding, else fort, i put on effective and pleasant communication in my marriage in Jesus Christ name. Amen!

T.S. AFOLAYAN

*TOPIC: CHRISTIAN HOME: PILLARS THAT SUSTAIN MARRIAGES*(Series 6)

*Scripture Reading:* Proverbs 15:4

*"A soothing tongue [speaking words that build up and encourage] is a tree of life, But a perversive tongue [speaking words that overwhelm and depress] crushes the spirit."*(AMP)

*6) Mindfulness:* Be careful with your words. Once they are said, they can be only forgiven, not forgotten. *What kind of words do you say to your husband/wife?* Today's Scripture says; *"The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit."*

Couples have a great deal of power and influence over each other, and sometimes, this fact is ignored or forgotten and it has great impact in our marriages.

Our primary means of influence are the words we use to express ourselves to our partner.

*You have to decide to make your partner feel loved, supported, and connected through what you say to him/her.*

*7). Humility:* Sometimes, Couple think expressing humility means giving away your power. Not at all. True humility doesn’t mean becoming a doormat; *it means putting aside arrogance and the belief that your way is always the best way.* Proverbs 22:4 says; *"Humility is the fear of the LORD; its wages are riches and honor and life."*

So, humility in marriage, results into riches, honor and life! Glory to God. To be continue tomorrow morning by God's Grace. Good morning and do have a great day, peace.

*Prayer point:* Dear Lord, help us to saturate our hearts with your word so that the words of our mouths reflect you in our homes in Jesus Christ name. Amen!

T.S. AFOLAYAN

*TOPIC: CHRISTIAN HOME: PILLARS THAT SUSTAIN OUR MARRIAGE*(Series 5)

*Scripture Reading:* 1Peter 3:5-7, Zechariah 8:16.

Summary from yesterday series. *A husband/wife who values his/her spouse will express gratitude toward him/her when either of them accomplishes something. He/She will try to understand their tendency to “fix” problems and provide answers.*

*5) Understanding:* 1Peter 3:7 says; *"In the same way you husbands must live with your wives with the proper understanding that they are more delicate than you. Treat them with respect, because they also will receive, together with you, God's gift of life. Do this so that nothing will interfere with your prayers."* Understanding one another is a pillar that has everything to do with going to school. *A husband’s job is to become a student of his wife. A wife’s job is to become a student of her husband.*

Husband and wife might ask the following questions:

How well do I know my spouse?

Am I aware of what he/she likes to eat?

Do I know what it is that makes him/her happy? Sad? Frustrated? Angry?

Am I aware of how he/she will react in certain situations?

How does he/she think and communicate?

Why does he/she feel certain ways?

*Understanding one’s spouse is vital in order to ensure that one will be able to show respect, communicate effectively, and be what that other person needs.*

There are a variety of books and seminars that deal with the issue of trying to understand one’s spouse. What they all have in common is the premise that a husband can learn about a wife and a wife can learn about a husband. The key is to learn what one’s spouse interprets as love and do that, even though one’s tendency is to do what would make oneself feel loved.

*The bottom line is that a husband must become the student of his wife and a wife must become the student of her husband for them to grow a great marriage.* To be continue tomorrow morning by God's Grace. Good morning and do have a great day, peace.

*Prayer point:* I receive God's help to relate with my spouse in understanding and accordance to God's will in Jesus Christ name. Amen!

T.S. AFOLAYAN

*TOPIC: CHRISTIAN HOME: PILLARS THAT SUSTAIN MARRIAGES*(Series 4)

*Scripture Reading:* 1 Peter 2:17

Three days ago, I started sharing with you what makes our marriages work and we are considering some pillars that makes it stand and especially in fulfilling God's purpose on earth. Let's continue from where we stopped yesterday:

*4) Respect:* Respect is the way a person treats something he or she values. If something is highly valued, a person will treat it with honor and dignity. One does not mistreat it or discard it. A valid question to ask is, *“How much do I value my spouse?”*

Without respect, marriage partners feel devalued. That devaluation erodes this pillar and causes coldness toward one another. 1 Peter 2:17 says, *“Show proper respect to everyone.”*

What must be understood, however, is that men and women feel respected in different ways. *A man typically feels valuable when he is able to figure something out and accomplish a goal or objective. A woman feels valued when she has someone who will listen to her and to whom she can talk and be understood.*

Now, if it is true that one respects what one values, then it can be expected that a husband and wife, will show respect to each other. The problem is that the way a man shows respect for someone he values is to help fix problems and provide answers. The way a woman shows respect to someone she values is to talk to him or her.

*The goal is to first of all choose to value one’s spouse, then to learn how to show him or her respect in a way he or she will understand and appreciate.*

A husband who values his wife who comes to him with a problem should rethink his first inclination is to come up with a solution. *He should realize that she may not be looking for a solution. She is respecting him by talking to him and expressing what she is feeling. Coming up with a solution may cause her to become frustrated or angry because she just wants to make a connection, not fix her problem.* When that happens, the husband may become frustrated or angry because he thinks she thinks his solution isn’t good enough for her. To be continue tomorrow morning by God's Grace. Good morning and do have a great day, peace.

*Prayer point:* Holy Spirit, help me to begin to treat my spouse just the way I treat myself and to value him/her just as I did to myself in Jesus Christ name. Amen!

T.S. AFOLAYAN

*TOPIC: CHRISTIAN HOME: PILLARS THAT SUSTAIN MARRIAGES*(Series 3)

*Scripture Reading:* Proverbs 31:11; *"The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain”* (ESV).

The scripture above will lead us to the next pillars:

*3) Trust:* A good marriage cannot be built and sustained without trust. Trust toward one another is vital.

Marital trust has three basic levels. Each of these levels is weighted in importance. *The first level is that of fidelity. A married person must be able to trust that his or her spouse will remain faithful in the marriage.* God placed such an importance on this area of trust in marriage that He made not committing adultery one of the Ten Commandments.

The second level of trust is that of honesty. A husband or wife should be able to trust that his or her partner will be honest. *A spouse must be honest about who they are, what they’re feeling and thinking, and about their successes and failures. There should be no hiding secret from one another.* They should be able to trust each other to tell the truth.

Now, if a spouse does not tell the truth about something, it doesn’t break the foundation of the marriage trust, but it does damage the relationship. A big question to be asked is why one’s spouse was untruthful. The answer to that question plays a big part in healing the wound of that broken trust. *If, for instance, a wife fails to tell her husband about her past rough life because she was afraid he would be angry, and if he has a history of being angry over things like that, then both of them must work on healing that wound. She needs to reestablish her credibility with him by being honest and he needs to make it safe for her to tell the truth by not punishing her with his anger for doing so.*

The third level of trust has to do with behaviors. A husband or wife generally wants to trust that his or her spouse will behave in certain ways toward him or her. *One wants to trust the other to meet needs, to treat with respect, to be patient and to consider him or her in daily activities.*

The levels of trust, one, two, or three, are designated so for the following reason. If a husband breaks his wife’s trust on the first level, he destroys far more than breaking her trust on the third level. *Conversely, if a husband forgets to call his wife to let her know he will arrive late at home, it would not have the devastating effect infidelity would have had.* It may have broken her trust and weakened the relationship, but it doesn’t destroy it and takes less work to mend. To be continue tomorrow morning by God's Grace. Good morning and do have a fruitful week, peace.

*Prayer point:* Dear Lord, forgive all my unfaithful acts towards my spouse. Help me to be faithful in my marriage in Jesus Christ name. Amen!

T.S. AFOLAYAN