*TOPIC: CHRISTIAN HOMES: PILLARS THAT SUSTAIN MARRIAGES*(Series 1)

*Scripture Reading:* Genesis 2:20-25

Marriage is one single unit that touches every part of the society. People who have become armed robbers, cultists, prostitutes and assassins, yahoo are from one home or the other and the society is where it is because of them. *Once the devil is able to destroy marriage, the society is finished.* And that's why God is so much interested in our marriages as believers.

On this series, we shall be looking at some pillars that contribute and strengthen Marriages and it's my earnest prayer that the Holy Spirit will reveal the truth to you in Jesus Christ name. Amen!

Some years ago, I was opportune to help in supervising a building project in a sloppy, watering and sand fill environment. *In order to build a house there, the owner was instructed and guided on what to do to build a lasting house on the said Land by the site engineer. Full rafter was done and serious compaction by some machines. It cost millions to get the foundation done with pillars and beams well positioned.*

In the same way, marriage is a house that is in danger of being washed away unless it is built on some pretty strong pillars. I have here identified some pillars of marriage. These pillars of marriage need each other to be strengthened in order for it to stand. They are foundational;

*1) The Rock (Jesus):* The ultimate anchoring point in a marriage is a 100% shared belief in Jesus as Savior and Lord and in His Word as His infallible instruction for life and marriage.  *Marriage is much more than a business contract or life strategy.  It is a uniting of two into one at the deepest heart and soul level.* By definition, marriage involves a spiritual component, which is why the Lord doesn’t want us to marry unbelievers (2 Corinthians 6:14, Ephesians 4:5). 

He knows that without a common faith, belief, and confession that a marriage will never be what it could and should be. *Knowing that one’s spouse believes firmly in what God says regarding marriage gives lasting hope that struggles and frustrations can be overcome because both spouses are following the same roadmap to the same destination.* To be continue tomorrow morning by God's Grace. Good morning and do have a fruitful weekend, peace.

*Prayer point:* Father, you are the author of marriage, come into my home and remove every unwanted seed that can kill my marriage in Jesus Christ name. Amen!

T.S. AFOLAYAN

*TOPIC: CHRISTIAN HOME: PILLARS THAT SUSTAIN MARRIAGES*(Series 2)

*Scripture Reading:* 1 Corinthians 13:1-10, Ephesians 5:25

Yesterday, we started looking at our homes as christian, the pillars that contribute to the effectiveness of our Marriages. And the first pillar we looked at is JESUS. If our marriage is not standing on this rock, definitely it will collapse so quickly. *When we talk of fulfilling destiny and aligning to God's will, No marriage can work without Jesus.* The second pillar is:

*2) Love:* When asked, “Do you love your husband/wife?,” the answer should be based on actions toward one’s husband or wife. *If the answer is, “yes, I love my husband/wife,” then one should be saying, “I am giving myself to him/her.*

1Corinthians 13 defines love for us. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. *The summary of this definition of love is simply GIVING YOURSELF TO ONE ANOTHER.*

In describing love to husbands, Paul explains in Ephesians 5:25 that love is about giving, not feeling. *"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her".* This is the kind of love Jesus demonstrated that should be established in our marriages. When our homes is based on this fact, NO STORM WHATSOEVER THAT CAN SEPARATE THAT HOME for this is the will of God that we should love one another just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it.

NOTE: *If husband love his wife, he will tolerate her, correct in love and stay no matter what happens. And also, if wife love her husband, she will be totally submissive to him. Not minding his status or character.* To be continue tomorrow morning by God's Grace. Good morning and do happy Sunday, peace.

*Prayer point:* I put an end to pretends in our home today, help me to love my husband/wife and to give myself totally to our vow in Jesus Christ name. Amen!

T.S. AFOLAYAN

*TOPIC: CHRISTIAN HOME: PILLARS THAT SUSTAIN MARRIAGES*(Series 3)

*Scripture Reading:* Proverbs 31:11; *"The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain”* (ESV).

The scripture above will lead us to the next pillars:

*3) Trust:* A good marriage cannot be built and sustained without trust. Trust toward one another is vital.

Marital trust has three basic levels. Each of these levels is weighted in importance. *The first level is that of fidelity. A married person must be able to trust that his or her spouse will remain faithful in the marriage.* God placed such an importance on this area of trust in marriage that He made not committing adultery one of the Ten Commandments.

The second level of trust is that of honesty. A husband or wife should be able to trust that his or her partner will be honest. *A spouse must be honest about who they are, what they’re feeling and thinking, and about their successes and failures. There should be no hiding secret from one another.* They should be able to trust each other to tell the truth.

Now, if a spouse does not tell the truth about something, it doesn’t break the foundation of the marriage trust, but it does damage the relationship. A big question to be asked is why one’s spouse was untruthful. The answer to that question plays a big part in healing the wound of that broken trust. *If, for instance, a wife fails to tell her husband about her past rough life because she was afraid he would be angry, and if he has a history of being angry over things like that, then both of them must work on healing that wound. She needs to reestablish her credibility with him by being honest and he needs to make it safe for her to tell the truth by not punishing her with his anger for doing so.*

The third level of trust has to do with behaviors. A husband or wife generally wants to trust that his or her spouse will behave in certain ways toward him or her. *One wants to trust the other to meet needs, to treat with respect, to be patient and to consider him or her in daily activities.*

The levels of trust, one, two, or three, are designated so for the following reason. If a husband breaks his wife’s trust on the first level, he destroys far more than breaking her trust on the third level. *Conversely, if a husband forgets to call his wife to let her know he will arrive late at home, it would not have the devastating effect infidelity would have had.* It may have broken her trust and weakened the relationship, but it doesn’t destroy it and takes less work to mend. To be continue tomorrow morning by God's Grace. Good morning and do have a fruitful week, peace.

*Prayer point:* Dear Lord, forgive all my unfaithful acts towards my spouse. Help me to be faithful in my marriage in Jesus Christ name. Amen!

T.S. AFOLAYAN

*TOPIC: AVOIDING PITFALL IN MARRIAGE/ RELATIONSHIP*(Series 4)

*Scripture Reading:* Hosea 4:6b, John 6:63

*"It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh conveys no benefit [it is of no account]. The words I have spoken to you are spirit and life [providing eternal life]."*(AMP)

We started looking at pitfall to avoid in marriage yesterday, we shall continue from where we stopped today by God's Grace.

*2) Lacking of knowledge:* Hosea 4:6b says; *"my people are destroyed from lack of knowledge...."* Lacking of knowledge destroy a home. You must build your home constantly on the knowledge of God. With knowledge, you averted many ways of the devil. *It's an error to go into marriage/ relationship without adequate knowledge. The marriage/relationship is liable to crash without any notice.*

*3) Being double minded:* Being double minded with your spouse causes you to be unstable in all of your ways. You can never enjoy or see the best embedded in him/her because your thought, vision and mission are different. *You must constantly walk on the same frequency to avoid pitfall in your marriage.*

*4) The carnal mind is an enemy of God:* To avoid pitfall in your marriage/relationship, be spirit filled. Being carnal makes your spirit to be subjected to your flesh. *"The Spirit gives life; the flesh counts for nothing. The words I have spoken to you —they are full of the Spirit and life.*"(John 6:63). Never give room to carnality, it makes you worldly and when you are worldly, you will be control and manipulated by the worldly system.

*5) Refusal to forgive your spouse:* Another pitfall in marriages is when you conclude never to forgive your spouse. And the moment you refuse to forgive your husband/wife hurts, it causes you to live in torment and hinder you from receiving God's promises. Matthew 6:14-15 says, *"For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."* To be continue tomorrow morning by God's Grace. Good morning and do have a great day, peace.

*Prayer point:* Create in me a clean heart o God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me to please you in my marriage in Jesus Christ name. Amen!

T.S. AFOLAYAN

*TOPIC: AVOIDING PITFALL IN MARRIAGE/ RELATIONSHIP*(Series 5)

*Scripture Reading:* Proverbs 10:12, Titus 3:3

Continuation from where we stopped yesterday; still on pitfall to avoid in marriage/relationship:

*6) Discord and hatred of your spouse:* The moment you refuse to agree with your spouse on many occasions, automatically, hatred will set in. And it causes you to walk in darkness. Titus 3:3 says; *"For we also once were foolish ourselves, disobedient, deceived, enslaved to various lusts and pleasures, spending our life in malice and envy, hateful, hating one another."* You must fight against constant disagreement and hatred in your marriage so as to avoid pitfall. The Lord will keep your home in Jesus Christ name.

*7) An uncontrolled tongue is a deadly poison and a word of iniquity:* Husband and wife must build their lives on the right word to each other on daily basis because this is part of your destiny. An uncontrolled tongue is a deadly poison to your destiny. Life and death are in your tongue. *"The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit."*(Proverbs 18:21) Stop using hard and negative words on your spouse no matter what he or she does because they speak louder later in the future.

*8) Taking your Spouse for granted:* That’s like having a garden that you’re not weeding or fertilizing, *You can’t expect it to continue to thrive. Let your partner knows you appreciate him or her.* Show some kindness and learn to appreciate no matter how little because it has great influence on your home. Stop taking him or her for granted! That's your blood and your flesh, you can't afford to treat him or her badly.

*9) Forgetting that a good marriage takes work:* People think that having a happy marriage is a magical, mystical occurrence. says by a marriage and family therapist (Dr. Leslie Parrott). He is the co-author of When Bad Things Happen to Good Marriages (Zondervan/HarperCollins). *This is the fact that parenting takes a lot of skill. But we don’t want to accept the idea that to make our marriage heaven on earth, we must also work it out.* You have your role to play in it. to avoid pitfall in your marriage, it requires serious work on you as husband and wife. To be continue tomorrow morning by God's Grace. Good morning and do have a great day, peace.

*Prayer point:* Father, give me wisdom in relating with my spouse according to your will for our lives in fulfilling destiny in Jesus Christ name. Amen!

T.S. AFOLAYAN

*TOPIC: AVOIDING PITFALL IN MARRIAGE/ RELATIONSHIP*(Series 6)

*Scripture Reading:* 1Peter 2:1, Proverbs 4:7

The concluding part, pitfall to avoid in marriage/relationship:

*10) Not talking through conflict:* If you rely on heavy sighs, slammed doors and other non-verbal communication when something is bothering you, you could be playing with fire. *As painful as it may be to get the conversation started, you must speak up.* “Otherwise, problems start festering and begin to take on a life of their own,” *"Therefore, rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander of every kind."*(1Peter 2:1) Keeping silent during conflict is devilish, keep talking and never give room for the devil in your home.

*11) Flighty over money:* A recent study found that 43% of married couples argue about money mostly everyday. *This is the truth, marriage can't work without money but as christian, we must not give ourselves as slave to it but must be subjected to us.* As couple, to make our marriages work and to avoid pitfall in the journey, don't allow the love of money to override your affair. Money has an important role to play in our homes and we must be careful in dealing with it.

*12) Shutting down sexually when you’re angry rather than dealing with issues:* This is very common to women, although withholding affection may seem like the ideal way to punish your husband, you risk seriously damaging your relationship. *No matter what happened between you and your spouse, using sex as a tool of punishment is demonic and witchcraft.* Infact, sex should be a means of settling issues and not a tool of punishment.

*13) Failing to understand that marriages have ups and downs:* It’s OK to expect incredible moments in your marriage, but *“Just don’t expect them to happen every day.”* Learn to understand Time and Season. Proverbs 3:14 says; *"I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that people will fear him."* I hope this series will bring a great change in our homes as the Holy Spirit will be our help in Jesus name. Good morning and do have a fruitful Friday, peace.

*Prayer point:* I nullify every strategies of the devil to bring down my marriage in Jesus Christ name. Amen!

T.S. AFOLAYAN

*TOPIC: CHRISTIAN HOMES: PILLARS THAT SUSTAIN MARRIAGES*(Series 1)

*Scripture Reading:* Genesis 2:20-25

Marriage is one single unit that touches every part of the society. People who have become armed robbers, cultists, prostitutes and assassins, yahoo are from one home or the other and the society is where it is because of them. *Once the devil is able to destroy marriage, the society is finished.* And that's why God is so much interested in our marriages as believers.

On this series, we shall be looking at some pillars that contribute and strengthen Marriages and it's my earnest prayer that the Holy Spirit will reveal the truth to you in Jesus Christ name. Amen!

Some years ago, I was opportune to help in supervising a building project in a sloppy, watering and sand fill environment. *In order to build a house there, the owner was instructed and guided on what to do to build a lasting house on the said Land by the site engineer. Full rafter was done and serious compaction by some machines. It cost millions to get the foundation done with pillars and beams well positioned.*

In the same way, marriage is a house that is in danger of being washed away unless it is built on some pretty strong pillars. I have here identified some pillars of marriage. These pillars of marriage need each other to be strengthened in order for it to stand. They are foundational;

*1) The Rock (Jesus):* The ultimate anchoring point in a marriage is a 100% shared belief in Jesus as Savior and Lord and in His Word as His infallible instruction for life and marriage.  *Marriage is much more than a business contract or life strategy.  It is a uniting of two into one at the deepest heart and soul level.* By definition, marriage involves a spiritual component, which is why the Lord doesn’t want us to marry unbelievers (2 Corinthians 6:14, Ephesians 4:5). 

He knows that without a common faith, belief, and confession that a marriage will never be what it could and should be. *Knowing that one’s spouse believes firmly in what God says regarding marriage gives lasting hope that struggles and frustrations can be overcome because both spouses are following the same roadmap to the same destination.* To be continue tomorrow morning by God's Grace. Good morning and do have a fruitful weekend, peace.

*Prayer point:* Father, you are the author of marriage, come into my home and remove every unwanted seed that can kill my marriage in Jesus Christ name. Amen!

T.S. AFOLAYAN

*TOPIC: CHRISTIAN HOME: PILLARS THAT SUSTAIN MARRIAGES*(Series 2)

*Scripture Reading:* 1 Corinthians 13:1-10, Ephesians 5:25

Yesterday, we started looking at our homes as christian, the pillars that contribute to the effectiveness of our Marriages. And the first pillar we looked at is JESUS. If our marriage is not standing on this rock, definitely it will collapse so quickly. *When we talk of fulfilling destiny and aligning to God's will, No marriage can work without Jesus.* The second pillar is:

*2) Love:* When asked, “Do you love your husband/wife?,” the answer should be based on actions toward one’s husband or wife. *If the answer is, “yes, I love my husband/wife,” then one should be saying, “I am giving myself to him/her.*

1Corinthians 13 defines love for us. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. *The summary of this definition of love is simply GIVING YOURSELF TO ONE ANOTHER.*

In describing love to husbands, Paul explains in Ephesians 5:25 that love is about giving, not feeling. *"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her".* This is the kind of love Jesus demonstrated that should be established in our marriages. When our homes is based on this fact, NO STORM WHATSOEVER THAT CAN SEPARATE THAT HOME for this is the will of God that we should love one another just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it.

NOTE: *If husband love his wife, he will tolerate her, correct in love and stay no matter what happens. And also, if wife love her husband, she will be totally submissive to him. Not minding his status or character.* To be continue tomorrow morning by God's Grace. Good morning and do happy Sunday, peace.

*Prayer point:* I put an end to pretends in our home today, help me to love my husband/wife and to give myself totally to our vow in Jesus Christ name. Amen!

T.S. AFOLAYAN

*TOPIC: CHRISTIAN HOME: PILLARS THAT SUSTAIN MARRIAGES*(Series 3)

*Scripture Reading:* Proverbs 31:11; *"The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain”* (ESV).

The scripture above will lead us to the next pillars:

*3) Trust:* A good marriage cannot be built and sustained without trust. Trust toward one another is vital.

Marital trust has three basic levels. Each of these levels is weighted in importance. *The first level is that of fidelity. A married person must be able to trust that his or her spouse will remain faithful in the marriage.* God placed such an importance on this area of trust in marriage that He made not committing adultery one of the Ten Commandments.

The second level of trust is that of honesty. A husband or wife should be able to trust that his or her partner will be honest. *A spouse must be honest about who they are, what they’re feeling and thinking, and about their successes and failures. There should be no hiding secret from one another.* They should be able to trust each other to tell the truth.

Now, if a spouse does not tell the truth about something, it doesn’t break the foundation of the marriage trust, but it does damage the relationship. A big question to be asked is why one’s spouse was untruthful. The answer to that question plays a big part in healing the wound of that broken trust. *If, for instance, a wife fails to tell her husband about her past rough life because she was afraid he would be angry, and if he has a history of being angry over things like that, then both of them must work on healing that wound. She needs to reestablish her credibility with him by being honest and he needs to make it safe for her to tell the truth by not punishing her with his anger for doing so.*

The third level of trust has to do with behaviors. A husband or wife generally wants to trust that his or her spouse will behave in certain ways toward him or her. *One wants to trust the other to meet needs, to treat with respect, to be patient and to consider him or her in daily activities.*

The levels of trust, one, two, or three, are designated so for the following reason. If a husband breaks his wife’s trust on the first level, he destroys far more than breaking her trust on the third level. *Conversely, if a husband forgets to call his wife to let her know he will arrive late at home, it would not have the devastating effect infidelity would have had.* It may have broken her trust and weakened the relationship, but it doesn’t destroy it and takes less work to mend. To be continue tomorrow morning by God's Grace. Good morning and do have a fruitful week, peace.

*Prayer point:* Dear Lord, forgive all my unfaithful acts towards my spouse. Help me to be faithful in my marriage in Jesus Christ name. Amen!

T.S. AFOLAYAN

*TOPIC: CHRISTIAN HOME: PILLARS THAT SUSTAIN MARRIAGES*(Series 4)

*Scripture Reading:* 1 Peter 2:17

Three days ago, I started sharing with you what makes our marriages work and we are considering some pillars that makes it stand and especially in fulfilling God's purpose on earth. Let's continue from where we stopped yesterday:

*4) Respect:* Respect is the way a person treats something he or she values. If something is highly valued, a person will treat it with honor and dignity. One does not mistreat it or discard it. A valid question to ask is, *“How much do I value my spouse?”*

Without respect, marriage partners feel devalued. That devaluation erodes this pillar and causes coldness toward one another. 1 Peter 2:17 says, *“Show proper respect to everyone.”*

What must be understood, however, is that men and women feel respected in different ways. *A man typically feels valuable when he is able to figure something out and accomplish a goal or objective. A woman feels valued when she has someone who will listen to her and to whom she can talk and be understood.*

Now, if it is true that one respects what one values, then it can be expected that a husband and wife, will show respect to each other. The problem is that the way a man shows respect for someone he values is to help fix problems and provide answers. The way a woman shows respect to someone she values is to talk to him or her.

*The goal is to first of all choose to value one’s spouse, then to learn how to show him or her respect in a way he or she will understand and appreciate.*

A husband who values his wife who comes to him with a problem should rethink his first inclination is to come up with a solution. *He should realize that she may not be looking for a solution. She is respecting him by talking to him and expressing what she is feeling. Coming up with a solution may cause her to become frustrated or angry because she just wants to make a connection, not fix her problem.* When that happens, the husband may become frustrated or angry because he thinks she thinks his solution isn’t good enough for her. To be continue tomorrow morning by God's Grace. Good morning and do have a great day, peace.

*Prayer point:* Holy Spirit, help me to begin to treat my spouse just the way I treat myself and to value him/her just as I did to myself in Jesus Christ name. Amen!

T.S. AFOLAYAN

*TOPIC: CHRISTIAN HOME: PILLARS THAT SUSTAIN OUR MARRIAGE*(Series 5)

*Scripture Reading:* 1Peter 3:5-7, Zechariah 8:16.

Summary from yesterday series. *A husband/wife who values his/her spouse will express gratitude toward him/her when either of them accomplishes something. He/She will try to understand their tendency to “fix” problems and provide answers.*

*5) Understanding:* 1Peter 3:7 says; *"In the same way you husbands must live with your wives with the proper understanding that they are more delicate than you. Treat them with respect, because they also will receive, together with you, God's gift of life. Do this so that nothing will interfere with your prayers."* Understanding one another is a pillar that has everything to do with going to school. *A husband’s job is to become a student of his wife. A wife’s job is to become a student of her husband.*

Husband and wife might ask the following questions:

How well do I know my spouse?

Am I aware of what he/she likes to eat?

Do I know what it is that makes him/her happy? Sad? Frustrated? Angry?

Am I aware of how he/she will react in certain situations?

How does he/she think and communicate?

Why does he/she feel certain ways?

*Understanding one’s spouse is vital in order to ensure that one will be able to show respect, communicate effectively, and be what that other person needs.*

There are a variety of books and seminars that deal with the issue of trying to understand one’s spouse. What they all have in common is the premise that a husband can learn about a wife and a wife can learn about a husband. The key is to learn what one’s spouse interprets as love and do that, even though one’s tendency is to do what would make oneself feel loved.

*The bottom line is that a husband must become the student of his wife and a wife must become the student of her husband for them to grow a great marriage.* To be continue tomorrow morning by God's Grace. Good morning and do have a great day, peace.

*Prayer point:* I receive God's help to relate with my spouse in understanding and accordance to God's will in Jesus Christ name. Amen!

T.S. AFOLAYAN